I am SO loving this book. Came right at the perfect time for me.
ch. 2 The Power for Marriage
Whether we are husband or wife, we are not to live for ourselves but for the other. And that is the hardest yet single most important function of being a husband or a wife in marriage.
Self-centeredness is a havoc-wreaking problem in many marriages, and it is the ever-present enemy of EVERY marriage...
Self-centeredness is easily seen in the signs Paul lists: impatience, irritability, a lack of graciousness and kindness in speech, ...they responded to the self-centeredness of their partner with their own self-centeredness. WHy? Self-centeredness by its very character makes you blind to your own while being hypersensitive, offended, and angered by that of others. The result is always a downward spiral into self-pity, anger, and despair, as the relationship gets eaten away to nothing.
But the gospel, brought home to your heart by the Spirit, can make you HAPPY ENOUGH TO BE HUMBLE, giving you an INTERNAL FULLNESS that frees you to be generous with the other even when you are not getting the satisfaction you want out of the relationship. (emphasis mine)
If I put the happiness of my spouse ahead of my own needs-then what do I get out if it? The answer is=happiness.
Then the Bible says that human beings were made in God's image. That means, among other things, that we were created to worship and live for God's glory, not our own. We were made to serve God and others. That means paradoxically that if we try to put our own happiness ahead of obedience to God, we violate our own nature and become, ultimately, miserable. Jesus restates the principle when he says, "Whoever wants to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matt. 16:15). He is saying, "If you seek happiness more than you seek me, you will have niether; if you seek to serve me more than serve happiness, you will have both."
The reason is that woundedness makes us self-absorbed.
There is the essence of sin, according to the Bible-living for ourselves, rather than for God and the people around us.
You should stop making excuses for selfishness, you should begin to root it out as it's revealed to you, and you should do so regardless of what your spouse is doing.
God asks that you deny yourself, that you lose yourself to find yourself. If you try to do this without the work of the Spirit, and without belief in all Christ has done for you, then simply giving up your rights and desires will be galling and hardening. But in Christ and with the Spirit, it will be liberating.
It means taking your mind off yourself and realizing that in Christ your needs are going to be met and are, in fact, being met so that you don't look at your spouse as your savior.
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